Monday, August 31, 2009

Vacations are over. Now back to work...ready or not

I wish I could say that I'm refreshed from my vacation in England and ready for anything, but that would be untrue. My holiday has made me restless and grumpy.

Was it because I slipped in the shower the morning I flew out? Bruised and badly-scraped, I sat on the plane unable to tell anyone that vanity (not owning a rubber shower mat) had resulted in pain. Something to do with time differences perhaps? I've been back for days and I'm still waking up way too early, forced to miss any good movies that start after 9 pm. The psychological shake-up of dealing with family close-up? I live a sheltered, almost monastic, life here in Brighton, and avoid the usual confrontations families encounter from time to time. Is it to do with de-accelerating? I rushed there, rushed about, rushed back, and then screamed to a halt. Perhaps this was too much for my now-countrified system to handle. I used to do rushing very well back in the city, and could stop on a dime...

It was lovely being in England again, seeing family and friends. It was a time often filled with emotional nostalgia, and there were some tears of both joy and sorrow. I prefer to save that kind of stuff for my writing so that I get to tie up all the loose ends. We don't get to do that in real life, where there are always loose ends dangling about somewhere. Perhaps that's why I write. I have a certain amount of control there.

I did all the usual touristy things; you know what people do in England in August. The photograph here is of a London Bobby chatting ME up, not the other way around. This is not the usual touristy thing, in my experience.

I have no idea why he befriended me, as we only asked if he knew a nice place for breakfast, but we walked a good few blocks together before he was waylaid by lost tourists. Oh, one son captured this picture from some yards ahead when he glanced back to see where I was. My sons always walk far too quickly for me to keep up with them. We were on holiday, for Pete's sake, so what was the rush?

If any of you can comfort me with your own vacation blues anecdotes, it would be appreciated, as I'm feeling more than a little ungrateful and loserish. As it is, I'm meant to be painting soon, and then beginning my new book. The way I feel right now, I just want to bury my head in the sand and pretend to be someone else...but first I must buy a rubber shower mat.

Is it good to be back? I'm not sure. I'm reminded that it could be another year or so before I see my sons again (who live in England and Australia, respectively), and I often question why I'm here. My cats were very pleased to see me, certainly, but there should be more than that, I think.

Oh, yes, of course - the best bit about being home, beyond seeing my cats? I get to sleep in my own bed, with my very own pillow. Bliss is in the familiar, for me, now. To think I used to be so adventurous...anybody's pillow would do.


Melissa Marsh said...

First - WELCOME HOME, Fran! Dorothy was right - there's no place like home...

And I know what you mean. When I came back from my trip to England last October, it was on a sour note since I had food poisoning that waylaid me for two days. Add that to the long, long flight home and I was a complete misery when I finally stepped foot in my own home.

I think what you're experiencing is perfectly normal. I think half the time, we need a vacation from our vacations! And the fact that you cannot "stop on a dime" anymore isn't a terrible thing - you've just grown in a different direction in your life and that's certainly not bad. We go through different phases in our life, I think, and perhaps your "stop on a dime" phase is gone for the moment. You may get it back one day, you may not, but if you do not mourn its loss, then I think you should be content with where you are right now, at this moment.

I hope some of that made some sense. :-)

Fran said...

Thank you so much for that, Melissa. So great to hear from you. You were spot on. Perhaps I'll take September off to recover from August...